Split Screen Sadness

And I don’t know where you went when you left me but
It says here in the water you must be gone by now
I can tell some how
One hand on the trigger of the telephone
Wondering when the call comes
You say it’s all right
You got your heart right

Maybe I’ll sleep inside my coat and
Wait on your porch til’ you come back home
Oh, right
I can’t find a flight

We share the sadness
The split screen sadness

Two wrongs make it all alright tonight

All you need is love, is a lie cause
We had love but we still said goodbye
Now we’re tired, battered fighters

And it stings when it’s nobody’s fault
Cause there’s nothin’ to blame at the drop of your name
It’s only the air you took and the breath you left

Maybe I’ll sleep inside my coat and
Wait on your porch ’til you come back home
Oh, right
I can’t find a flight
So I’ll check the weather wherever you are
Cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight
It might be my only right

We share the sadness
The split screen sadness
We share the sadness
Split screen sadness

I called
Because
I just
Need to feel you on the line
Don’t hang up this time
And I know it was me who called it over but
I still wish you’d fought me ’til your dying day
Don’t let me get away

Cause I can’t wait to figure out what’s wrong with me
So I can say that this is the way that I used to be
There’s no substitute for time
Or for the sadness
Split Screen Sadness
We share the sadness

Hmmm..…

What can I say?…

The weather sucks…

Simple logic of H2O falling from the sky to the ground…

In the northern hemisphere, people call it snow. White, soft, beautiful crystals float gently across the scenic landscape and eventually cover entire road, trees, houses and gardens. Gradually, everyone puts on their coats and sweaters and comes out to play. Kids and adults alike laugh ecstatically as they build snowmen, play snowball fights, roll about and make snow angels on the ground….

At the equator, the people here call this rain. Wet, wet, rain….

Darn the stupid downpours…

But, munching on HER homemade star-shaped chocolate chip cookies made my insides feel so warm and cozy in spite of the cold winds and rain pelting on the windows. It was as if the freak thunderstorms were non-existent at all. I am cuddled up in my chair, wrapped up in my blanket, listening to my favorite songs and thinking about the movie “The Holiday” we watched yesterday. Oh well, it is the holiday season, a season of giving and sharing, a time of happiness and celebration, so I kind of expected a happy ending to the romantic film. But it was very nice nonetheless, as the good people got what they deserved, which was each other, and the bad people probably got screwed by karma. After that, we went for a not-so-appetizing dinner at sushi tei. It was so amusing watching her poke and play around with her jap curry soba like a curious child experimenting with a worm. Simply adorable! Wished I have gotten all that on video…..

Soon after, we searched around orchard for some stuff we wanted to buy, while braving the strong winds and fierce rain under her little green umbrella. All thanks to her, I finally found the giant cookie monster plush I have been searching high and low for. It was entirely her idea to go takashimaya, and it was as if fate has blessed me with… Err… This wonderful girl… To find the one thing that was so hard to… Errr… Find…. Haha… Funny, I have been to almost every toys‘r’us on the island for the past few weeks and it was all sold out. Finally, on the long but enjoyable bus ride home, I managed to give her the stuff that I have gotten for her donkey years ago. A harry potter poster from JB two years ago, an orange bottle from Taiwan one year ago, a glass necklace for her birthday five months ago, and a calendar with breathtaking pictures of Scotland for her Christmas present. (See, if we went out MORE OFTEN, I would not have saved up so many gifts for you until now) Anyway, besides having enjoyed the cookies and the movie, and finding the perfect Christmas present for my sis, I got something else too. Something a sane human being would never think of. And it was crazily spontaneous coming from her incomprehensibly complex mind. Better still, she also did not know why and how she came up with it. Something that sounds sweet but super gay at the same time. Guess what it is…..

A new nickname…

(Let’s just keep it a secret between us okay? But fine, you can call me that whenever you want. But be sure to lower your voice slightly when we are in a publicly accessible place. I know I am cute, but you don’t have to shout. And I will call you by your new nickname too… =p)

Happy Holidays Everyone!…

Stand in my shoes for a minute.

Imagine this…

When has it been since you last got cross-eyed by staring point blank at the blackboard, chain-smoked and ate mists of filthy chalk dust, experienced Dolby surround sound from your teacher’s preaching, and got an all-natural shower from her relentless sprays of saliva? Sounds familiar? If so, then you were probably one of the kids who had the "privilege" of sitting right in front of the classroom. Gradually, the years passed. Strangely, nothing has changed much since graduating from primary school. Once again, you are still stuck somewhere in the lousy front, with the sickening smell of whiteboard markers and mega bass stereo piercing through your nostrils and eardrums. You could almost count the exact number of unsightly facial hair on your teacher’s face and smell what he had for lunch when his face was shoved right into yours all the time. And during this self-conscious period of time was when you realized something different about yourself compared to other friends of the same age. Somehow, the years spent actively playing basketball and soccer never quite helped at all. If any of these sounds familiar, then you should have guessed it right. You were probably one of the unfortunate few who had to raise your head and look up to everyone around you, not because of respect and admiration, but because you had no other choices. Puberty came knocking at your door and left you a trick instead of a treat….

Face it. Being short has always been a problem in this lousy piece of shit hole we live in. The tall guys are usually the ones who get everything and gets away with everything. They stand a much greater chance of bagging job interviews, leaving bars and clubs with beautiful women, and winning criminal cases decided by juries in an American courthouse. All this was tested and proven by decades of research and studies done and broadcasted worldwide in documentaries. It seems that height has always been one very crucial factor in rating and determining the attractiveness of a potential partner. It is this basic animal instinct which has been governing our animal planet since the big bang. The taller male hunters are deemed stronger and fitter, thus they lead the human packs, and mate with attractive female gatherers who saw them as being more able to provide for and protect their offspring. In turn, the short males are seen as weak and infertile, and are bullied, ostracized and left to fend for themselves. And there is nothing much anyone can do about this law of nature, as nothing much has changed in our modern concrete jungle….

So, what can be done to counter this natural order of disadvantage, injustice and unfairness? Some spend huge fortunes by resorting to growth hormones injections and leg lengthening surgical procedures. It seems that they are much more willing to bear with life threatening side effects and excruciating physical pain than discrimination from our wonderful society. Nevertheless, not all of us are born sucking on silver spoons. In order to break out of this stereotypical view, we make up with intelligence, talent, charm, confidence and humor. These are some things that our taller counterparts take for granted and naturally assume they already have which come along with their height advantage. Forget all that “love at first sight” crap. It probably will not work on short men like you and me. We have already failed the first physical criteria of “tall, dark and handsome” that is engraved in every woman’s subconscious minds. However, you can still create a great second impression by projecting yourself as asserted, confident, fun and spontaneous. Be positive of your strengths and weaknesses and show them off. Believe me when I say, being short has its advantages. Firstly, having this “handicap” will spur you on to improve on other existing strengths and discover your hidden talents. It also exempts you from grueling tasks that involves only the tall, and protects you from dangerously low ceiling fans and doorways. Being short also helps to act as a screen to filter out those pretty chicks with inner beauty who are more than willing to accept you for who you are. In due time, the universe will always balance itself….

As for me, I am perfectly happy with myself, and I will not give up anything in order to grow an extra inch or two. Wait. Well, maybe twenty bucks would be my asking price. Any price higher than that, and I will have to decline. My height suits my personality perfectly, and it goes well with my adorable face too. Hell, if a war were to break out in Singapore and all the ns men were activated, guess who has the higher probability of getting killed?….

Stand tall (metaphorically), and you will stand out….

Stand tall (literally), and you will get shot in the head…..

I have never felt so useless before…..

On frequent occasions, numerous friends have come to me seeking advice and solutions for their problems. And I can safely say that I have at least helped them a bit to ease their burden or distress. But never before have I encountered such a dilemma that really stunned and saddened me until now. This concerns someone who is very close to me. Someone who has been crying in agony non stop since the incident happened. Someone whom I sacrificed my sleep over for and constantly worry about from day to night. Someone whom I will never ever leave alone by herself……

It really breaks my heart to see her like this. She is someone whom I truly respected and admired. Her strength and independence has never failed to inspire and give me the courage and zest to carve out my own path in life. She has been my mentor and my sturdy pillar of support for my entire existence. She is the model example of the modern woman, and probably one of the toughest and strongest females I have ever met. But under the circumstances, it seems that even the strongest pillars can crumble and fall to pieces…..

Never in my whole life have I witnessed her so depressed before. The situation has hit rock bottom, and I am so desperate to help her get out of the hell she is going through that I am doing everything it takes to make things better again. But there is only so much I can do to ease her agonizing pain and suffering as this situation is way out my league. In the end, she needs to put herself together and climb out of this hell by herself. She is hurting deeply, and the wounds are definitely not going to heal for a very long time……

If the truth is revealed and known to any upright and honorable human being, he or she will concur wholeheartedly that that fucking animal deserves to be tortured to dead and condemned for all eternity. Blood is thicker than water. Nobody messes up my family so badly and gets away with it. Someone will pay for this…..

I swear it…..

Fucking piece of shit….

Yes, I am talking to You…..

Yes, YOU…

You with the tiny balding shithead on your fucking little pencil neck…..

There are no words in this whole world debasing enough to describe the wretched, gutless, heartless, cowardly jackass that you are….

Do you seriously think you can just fool around and run away from all that responsibility? Do you even fucking think at all, you SON OF A BITCH?!??!

I am this close to losing whatever is left of my patience and sanity…..

If you even do anything to hurt her again, or make her lose even a strand of hair, i swear to all the higher powers of this world, i will make your life a living hell. I know where you work. I know where you live. You will wish you have never been born in the first place…..

I will BREAK you……

WOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!…..

Wow! I am still hyper active from the end of semester one examinations on Monday. It was like the day I ORDed all over again. There was just too much exhilaration and excitement within my swollen brain (originally pea sized, but swelled up due to too much adrenaline) and bloated heart that even the cancellation of my much awaited drinking session at clarke quay did not burst those giant bubbles of elation. Wished I could have joined my tutorial mates on their shopping rampage in KL. All thanks to the few good men who pulled out at the last minute on our planned trips to Australia and Thailand. Well, at least my tutorial mates are definitely going to take lots and lots of pictures for my viewing pleasure. And by “lots”, I mean tens of hundreds of thousands. They are practically the craziest photo-taking bunch of people I have ever met. They are so fanatical that they can pose without breaking a sweat from dusk till dawn and probably write a best-seller on how to pose for a thousand shots. And by “they”, I refer to the three bimbos. Guys not included. Thank goodness. Approach them with utmost caution, if you do not want your digital cameras and camera phones to be used as weapons of mass destruction. And to think that a few decades ago, people thought cameras were tools of evil and would suck their souls out of their bodies and trap them within the pictures. Those three would have been branded as witches and heretics and barbequed on sticks like kebab. Hey I was just kidding. My eyes are sensitive to flashes. Don’t shoot me…….

But, probably one of the best ways to capture those precious moments in life is with a digital camera. With the aid of modern technology, raw emotions of ecstasy and mirth can be instantly frozen in time and stored for future viewing and remembrance. So what do you do when you are having the greatest time of your life with that perfect girl? The answer is simple. Take plenty of pictures together! These photographs serve as valuable reminders of the wonderful period spent with the one you love. For example, the first time both of you puked together after a rollercoaster ride, or the first time both of you held hands and fell down as one while ice skating, or the first time both of you ate Ben n Jerrys’ ice cream from the same tub with the same spoon and fell sick together. If somehow, by a twist of fate, things do not work out for the best, do not fret. At least fifty years down the road, you would still have pictures of women to show your grandchildren just how suave you once were, and to remind their grandmother that she did not make her greatest mistake of her life by tying the knot with you. So, I advice all guys out there to keep a digital camera in handy. Like how I capture my precious moments with my 2 mega pixel camera walkman phone……

Beautiful memories last a life time…..

With photographs, that is……

And recently, Ee Wei, my wonderful inspiration for writing this entry, sent me some very nice photographs of sunsets, puffy clouds, thunderstorms and lightning taken with her Olympus mju mini. She has a really magnificent view of the horizon from her apartment window, even though it is only from a mere fifth floor. I reside on the thirteen floor but all I can see are hdb flats, hdb flats and more hdb flats. I particularly like the one with the pink clouds and the sunset in the background. At first impression, I seriously thought it was some professionally-taken landscape picture grabbed from the internet. Those pictures were so well-taken that I have already short listed her to be the official photographer next time we go out or something. Maybe in the near future, she can drop that kick-ass, anti-social attitude and invite me up to her place so that we can view the sunset together…..

A full moon with stars would be nice as well…..

So romantic…..

I can’t wait……. =p

Lately, I was on the hunting spree for songs which I had listened to in the past with the play mode on my cd player set to “repeat”. Yes, you heard me. A compact disk player. Remember the good old times when grooving around town with flashy headphones on your head and holding a polished cd player was hip? I know I did. Practically every cool kid wanted a cd player for their birthday or Christmas. Humans were no longer cracking their heads and figuring out ways to clean off the mold on cassette tapes. Music on the go was the in-thing, and people around you without such a luxury often go “Wow, this guy is listening to some really good songs!” And “Look at him move with the beat. He has a Sony’s newest ultra slim shock protection skip-free cd walkman. He must be having a great time!” Moreover, many such songs did make parts of my body move involuntarily. Those are the songs that you could subconsciously nod your head to or tap your feet along with. Having a first-class cd player was nothing without a nicely burnt cd (Not literally burnt, as in blackened and stuff….. You get the idea). And I recalled several songs that were truly engaging and amusing at the same time, one of which included my all time favourite, Wheatus’s Teenage Dirtbag. Another song highly recommended by a self-proclaimed “nerd” I know is American Hifi’s The Geeks Get the Girls…….

.

********************************************************************

.

Wheatus

Teenage Dirtbag

.

Her name is Noel

I have a dream about her

She rings my bell.

I got gym class in half an hour and

oh how she rocks

in Keds and tube socks.

But she doesn’t know who I am.

And she doesn’t give a damn about me

.

Cuz I’m just a teenage dirtbag, baby

Yeah I’m just a teenage dirtbag, baby

Listen to Iron Maiden, baby…with me.

Ooh.

.

Her boyfriend’s a dick

He brings a gun to school

He’d simply kick my ass if he knew the truth.

He lives on my block

and he drives an IROK

And he doesn’t know who I am

And he doesn’t give a damn about me

.

cuz I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby

Yeah, I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby.

Listen to Iron Maiden, baby…with me.

Ooh

.

Ooh yeah…dirtbag.

No she doesn’t know what she’s missin’.

.

man I feel like mold

It’s prom night and

I am lonely lo and behold

She’s walkin’ over to me

this must be fake

My lip starts to shake .

How does she know who I am?

Why does she give a damn about me?

I’ve got two tickets to Iron Maiden, baby.

Come with me Friday, don’t say maybe.

I’m just a teenage dirtbag, baby…like you.

ooh

.

ooh yeah…dirtbag.

No she doesn’t know what she’s missin’

.

*************************************************************

.

American Hi-Fi

The Geeks Get the Girls

.

Another Friday night, to get the feeling right

At the bar when he sees her coming over

What you gonna do, if she walks up to you

Tongue tied better get yourself together

Pound another drink, to give him time to think

What’s your sign hey I think you know a friend of mine

All the stupid lines, that he had ever heard

Wouldn’t come to mind he couldn’t say a word

Tonight tonight, he’s gonna get it right

Even losers can get lucky sometimes

All the freaks go on a winning streak

In a perfect world, all the geeks get the girls

.

Got her holding steady, forget her name already

Sweatin’ hard not a smooth operator

She’s got it going on, dancing to her favorite song

He’s got the line is it your place or mine

She turns and walks away, where did he go wrong?

But waiting by the car, she says what took you so long

.

The very next day, he guessed she ran away

The one and only in his bed so lonely

But she comes walking in, with coffee and a grin

Crazy as it seems, it wasn’t just a dream

And all around the world, people shout it out

The geeks get the girls

.

Last night he finally got it right

Even losers can get lucky sometimes

All the freaks go on a winning streak

Shout it all around the world cause the geeks get the girls

.

************************************************************************

.

Notice any similarities between these two great songs? Anyone with a decent brain can tell. Yes, in both songs, the geek gets the girl…..

But how true is that? Do the geeks really get the girls?…..

Bill Gates was a geek. Now he is the richest geek in the world and everyone, not just the girls, wants a piece of him…..

William Hung was a geek. He is still a geek. But a very rich and happy one indeed. His temporary shot to fame and stardom landed him many gorgeous models and an album too. (But, sorry William, I still think you sing and dance funny……)

Another classic example of a celebrity born out of American Idol is Clay Aiken. Great talent, beautiful voice, but a geek nonetheless.

Albert Einstein was the first geek who split an atom and ended World War Two.

So were other famous researchers and scientists like John Nash who won Nobel Prizes and brought about endless benefits to the world.

And I am sure most of them got the girls alright……

And recall the numerous teen movies about how the geek gets the guy or girl in the end after enduring through much pain and suffering? (Orhhhh….. Sweet…. “Happily ever after” endings).

This globe is no longer ruled by the prom kings and queens. It is the New Age of Geeks. There are no more exclusive hangout spots and tables for the popular kids. Football players and cheerleaders no longer ate lunch together. Geeks are no longer at the bottom of the popularity food chain, assuming their socializing skills rank average and above compared to normal people. Now a huge melting pot exists for the fashionably glamorous, the tech-savvy gurus, the sports stars and the rocket scientists. Everyone hangs out together, have fun and share fashion and study tips collectively. So you single male geeks out there, do not lose sleep over not having someone in your life to share your joys and sorrows with. There are plenty of girls out there who feel there is nothing sexier than a guy with glasses. Your time to reign has come……

At any rate, let us get back to the topic on portable music. The right kind of music, depending on the mood, can work wonders for you and your special someone. Music has proven to be an effective catalyst for the intensification of basic human emotions and brain activity. What is a blockbuster movie without a proper sounding music score accompanying it? Probably a crappy one I reckon. Even silent movies had music in the past. So, it is late at night, and you are lucky enough to be sitting next to the most fantastic girl you have ever met. Ran out of funny jokes and witty comments? What do you do?

Take out that cd player of yours…..

That is, if you are still living in the nineties…….

Otherwise, whip out that Ipod and share your wonderful collection of love ballads and slow rock with her. Better still, preload your player with plenty of her favorite songs. That will definitely score plenty of points with her as well as escalate the romantic climax in the air. Look into her beautiful eyes and let the song take its proper course. Point to take note: No Metallica or Beethoven or anything along those lines, unless she is into that kind of music. Don’t have a mp3 player? Go invest in one. It is for the sake of your future happiness. And the best thing is, it is so easy and idiot-proof, anyone can do it.

A geek can do it….

A jock can do it…..

Me?…

I am just a normal guy with glasses….

With a pretty cool walkman phone….….

Damn….

The examination fever finally got to me……

The inspiration sapped away from my once-ingenious mind……

I have nothing else to write but this……

A normal day in school…..

And my first exam in three long years…….

A mind-numbing experience……

*********************************************************************

Wed 15 Nov 2006

.

8.10am: Woke up feeling slightly nauseous, I dragged myself to the toilet and did some basic body maintenance…….

.

8.25am: Alvin and Daryl crashed my place. We crapped a bit over some honey stars and famous amos. I love having junk food for breakfast……

.

8.35am: We were taking a nice stroll down to the SRC when I was totally astounded by what I saw. It was a repeat of the Hello Kitty Craze! Actually it was more like the Great Singapore Sale. Car drivers searched desperately for empty parking lots, and when they found none, created their own parking spaces with imaginary lines and boundaries. I have never in my life, seen the SRC so overcrowded before. A free vip membership to California Fitness would not have attracted as many people as the SRC would. It was no longer an exclusive haven for the body beautiful and the perfectly tanned. The ban has been lifted!! Everyone was finally equal for a change. Hand in hand, jocks and geeks alike stormed the sports halls with stationeries, textbooks, notes and jackets. Invigilators were standing by, resembling riot control personnel armed with rolled-up seating plans and walkie talkies. I looked at the time and cursed to myself for reaching this accursed place so early. It would have taken a mere two minutes for me to crawl from my room to the SRC…….

.

8.40am: Met up with Songyu and KianYip. We explored deeper into the unfamiliar labyrinth. Wherever there was a door, there was a mob. Looking at the crowd surrounding the entrances to the halls, I wonder how long they have been standing there for. They must have set up camp and slept here the night before, I figure. And the female toilet! Wow! This is the only room in the whole wide world which never ceases to astound me. There is always this super long bee line stretching from one end of the corridor to another. And the queue continues deep into the female toilet, right into the unknown……

What in the world was going on in there?? A slumber party? Could it be a beauty pageant? Maybe a free samples giveaway?….

The Men don’t get it.

Intriguing indeed………

.

8.43am: Walked out of the male toilet and the same bunch of females standing in line have not moved an inch. We moved past them, amidst the wide-eyed stares of dismay and a slight hint of admiration. For once, the Singaporean male can hold his head up high against his female counterparts and walk with the wind behind him. All Singaporeans are equal once again!! What is next? The abolishment of The Women’s Charter? Sad to say, no….. Under the judicial laws which govern Singapore, Women are still more equal than Men…. Poor us……

Anyway, maybe it would help shorten the queue if the mirrors or any kind of reflective surfaces were removed from the female toilet during examination periods…..

Just a kind suggestion with genuine concern for the truly urgent…….

.

9.00am: I had two and a half hours to complete my Information Technology paper.

.

10.00am: I am done……

.

10.05am: Started using correction fluid to blank out all the unsightly cancellations. Maybe I would get extra credit for being neat….

.

10.15am: Staring at my fingers and shoes……

.

10.25am: Looking around the exam hall. Everyone’s heads were still down, their pens vigorously tearing through the answer scripts………

.

10.40am: The girl seated in front of me looked quite cute from her back view. Long, highlighted hair. Brown jacket. Nicely tanned and chiseled shoulders. Wild thoughts and fantasies ran amok in my mind…..

.

11.00am: The ah tiong beside me requested for more paper. Huh??? What in the world is going on?! More paper?!! Come on, I only used six pages of the booklet, and there has got to be at least thirty pages in total!!! What are you, a paper shredder?? You must be out of your mind! You are not even human!…..

Tree killer….

*Grrrrrr.…….*

.

11.10am: Suddenly, something obvious hit me like a gush of cold wind. And that was definitely not from the ice machine the people here call air-conditioning. Wait a minute….. I can leave early!! Why did I not think of this in the first place?! Damn it…….

.

11.15am: Packed up and ready to go. As I stood up and prepared to depart from this miserable excuse for an exam hall, a voice boomed from the speakers. “You have fifteen more minutes. You can no longer leave the examination hall until the time is up.”…….

.

11.25am: Gastric pains ripped through my stomach. Torture scenes from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre flashed through my brain as I counted down the seconds in agony…….

.

11.30am: All chairs screeched together in perfect unison. It’s over! Human stampede!!!!

.

Oh man….

This is so freaking boring…..

I shall stop blogging for now…..

Until something or someone inspires me to write anything that is mildly entertaining and interesting……

Once again, I am revisiting this Guess watches website and going to this particular page with the picture of the saddle up black cuff watch. This has become somewhat like a weekly routine, something that I will do to kill time. I never get bored no matter how many times I click on it. It’s cool, black, leather strap better shows off its sleek, silver face and projects a very simple, clean and smooth feel to it. I love it. It is my dream watch. The one I have been searching for my entire life. Then I recall the time I spent with this watch back in the exclusive dealer’s shop months ago…..

Imagine going to a candy shop when you were just a kid. There was just so much excitement in the air that I had to subtly remind myself to keep my act together. Suppressing my racing heartbeat, I put on my nonchalant mask and pretended to look around with interest at other watches, while at the same time, fully aware of the approximate location where I might find the one. Finally, after prowling the store a couple of times, I arrived at my destination. There it was, on display within the glass cabinet, clearly standing out among its fellow counterparts. We made contact. Its face glimmered and sparkled under the orange and white display lights, like it was winking playfully at me. It was more beautiful than what I have imagined and seen in the pictures! It was a truly emotional moment. My eyes watered as I beckoned the salesperson to take it out. It felt so brilliant and perfect in my hands. Then, as I buckled it on and adjusted its strap to the smallest length possible, it slid down past my wrist and hung limply around the upper part of my hand like a grossly over-sized bracelet……

An embarrassing anti-climax, so it seemed. Disappointment and dismay filled me as I left the store empty-handed. Strangely, such a situation was unforeseeable. My dream watch was too big for me. Or rather, my wrist was too small for my dream watch. It was not meant to be. However, this experience was trying to enlighten me on a very important lesson about life. What you want isn’t always what you get. It is the same case with the theory of “the girl of my dreams”. Several times I have met “the girl of my dreams” who was exactly like my type. She is cute, sweet, fun, naturally pretty, spontaneous, unpretentious and generous. She simply melts my heart with her loving nature, beautiful smile and bright eyes. She is the girl next door. She is what I always wanted and longed for. Yet, it just so happens that fate has made a hobby out of kicking me in the nuts with the familiar lines of “she already has a boyfriend”, “she likes someone else”, “she likes girls instead of guys”……

So, heed my words. Let it go. Move on. There is no use hoping and clinging on to someone who seems like she is right for you but is not. Some things are just not meant to be. However, do not short change yourself. Try not to settle for a girl whom you think is somewhat close to the “girl of your dreams”. There is no use lowering your expectations and forcing yourself to accept and compromise for someone who is incompatible. Chances are, both of you may wind up hurting each other and the people around you. And things may turn out for the worse, like how pathetic that Guess watch would look on me if I actually bought it. It would be an insult to the watch as well for turning it into a fashion disaster on my wrist. Therefore, do not give up. Continue to search for the elusive special lady who sets your heart ablaze and lifts you to cloud nine. Trust me, she is out there… Somewhere……

The irony is, I still visit the same old page week after week after week, hoping that my dream watch might miraculously shrink to three quarters of its original size and accept that sad excuse for a wrist. Oh well. It’s just me. I am a hopeless fool who enjoys self-inflicted emotional pain. Somebody pull this knife out of my chest please……

With exams just around the corner, the surrounding air seems somewhat stuffy. It is definitely not the haze, because the psi remains within safety standards. Trust me, I just checked. We are safe. Physically, at least. It is the aura of fear and nervousness in the air that diffuses into the minds of innocent victims and transforms them into mindless, emotionless drones with a sole purpose in life. Study…….

All i glance around me are such drones. Constantly scooting around the campus with no sense of direction, with thick files and textbooks hugged tightly around their chests, like busy little honey bees buzzing around and zealously safeguarding their precious pollen. The groupies gather in groups, form cults, and mark their tables and benches with personal belongings, which serve as warning signs to ward off any loners who wander into their territory. The loners, in turn, continue their migration until they find a comfortable spot to call their own. Day and night, their mouths are constantly chanting the words “study” and “mug”. Their every speech and movement, seemingly manipulated by a single, ominous, over-mind entity, draining every last bit of life from their overworked bodies….

Now comes the juicy part. For the guys, quickly take this opportunity to show off that ceiling-breaking IQ of yours, that is worthy of Nobel prizes and Mensa standards. Impress the gals with your vast knowledge of atoms and molecules, and they might just chemically bond with you. Also, be extra attentive to that special someone during this period. Shower her with encouragements and phrases like “Let’s score full marks together!” (This particular phrase reminds me of Hangwei. Seriously dude, you can go score full marks yourself…). Show how much you really care for her with a double espresso and a brownie while both of you tackle mind boggling questions and concepts together. Provide her with an endless arsenal of highlighters and colored pens too. As the phrase goes, suffering hardships together brings people closer. This theory can apply to couples or would-be couples as well. For those who are not naturally blessed with a beautiful mind, please do not bang your head against the wall in dismay. You are already half-baked. Just do what I always do. That is, to act cool and smart. Yes, you heard me. Fake it. Emit an aura of fearlessness and superiority over your fellow drones. Work with the law of nature and be the dominating male in the domain. That would probably attract swarms of ladies to you as well. Expect to see results in just a few days! I will give a 30-day money back guarantee to anyone who tries this and fails! Of course, do not expect to get anything back in return, not even my two cents worth….

Nevertheless, despite inhaling so much of their plaque-like fear and anxiety, I am really impressed at how calm and collected I am now. In my mind, everything else that is alive is slowly taking their time and moving in sync. The birds are singing along with the rustling leaves and grass in the gentle breeze. The water ripples softly as falling leaves contacts gently with the surface. I guess this is what some refer to as "peace of mind". I am one with the universe…. But the people who know me inside out, including my room mate (also a victim of mind control), prefer to see me as a "slacker" or a "modern day sloth". Like I care…..

But being different is not such a bad thing after all. Somehow, many people see me as someone who already has secret plans in mind on how best to tackle the examinations. Some are truly amazed at how I can enjoy life outside and still slack around in campus. Their impression of me can be summarized into a single word, “Smart”. But seriously, put on your glasses and take a closer look. I may look smart, but am I really smart?… There you go. Something for you to think about before you find my name on the dean’s list. You know… The other list…..…

(Kaileng, go sleep some more and you can come join my club….)