Standing Tall…..
Stand in my shoes for a minute.
Imagine this…
When has it been since you last got cross-eyed by staring point blank at the blackboard, chain-smoked and ate mists of filthy chalk dust, experienced Dolby surround sound from your teacher’s preaching, and got an all-natural shower from her relentless sprays of saliva? Sounds familiar? If so, then you were probably one of the kids who had the "privilege" of sitting right in front of the classroom. Gradually, the years passed. Strangely, nothing has changed much since graduating from primary school. Once again, you are still stuck somewhere in the lousy front, with the sickening smell of whiteboard markers and mega bass stereo piercing through your nostrils and eardrums. You could almost count the exact number of unsightly facial hair on your teacher’s face and smell what he had for lunch when his face was shoved right into yours all the time. And during this self-conscious period of time was when you realized something different about yourself compared to other friends of the same age. Somehow, the years spent actively playing basketball and soccer never quite helped at all. If any of these sounds familiar, then you should have guessed it right. You were probably one of the unfortunate few who had to raise your head and look up to everyone around you, not because of respect and admiration, but because you had no other choices. Puberty came knocking at your door and left you a trick instead of a treat….
Face it. Being short has always been a problem in this lousy piece of shit hole we live in. The tall guys are usually the ones who get everything and gets away with everything. They stand a much greater chance of bagging job interviews, leaving bars and clubs with beautiful women, and winning criminal cases decided by juries in an American courthouse. All this was tested and proven by decades of research and studies done and broadcasted worldwide in documentaries. It seems that height has always been one very crucial factor in rating and determining the attractiveness of a potential partner. It is this basic animal instinct which has been governing our animal planet since the big bang. The taller male hunters are deemed stronger and fitter, thus they lead the human packs, and mate with attractive female gatherers who saw them as being more able to provide for and protect their offspring. In turn, the short males are seen as weak and infertile, and are bullied, ostracized and left to fend for themselves. And there is nothing much anyone can do about this law of nature, as nothing much has changed in our modern concrete jungle….
So, what can be done to counter this natural order of disadvantage, injustice and unfairness? Some spend huge fortunes by resorting to growth hormones injections and leg lengthening surgical procedures. It seems that they are much more willing to bear with life threatening side effects and excruciating physical pain than discrimination from our wonderful society. Nevertheless, not all of us are born sucking on silver spoons. In order to break out of this stereotypical view, we make up with intelligence, talent, charm, confidence and humor. These are some things that our taller counterparts take for granted and naturally assume they already have which come along with their height advantage. Forget all that “love at first sight” crap. It probably will not work on short men like you and me. We have already failed the first physical criteria of “tall, dark and handsome” that is engraved in every woman’s subconscious minds. However, you can still create a great second impression by projecting yourself as asserted, confident, fun and spontaneous. Be positive of your strengths and weaknesses and show them off. Believe me when I say, being short has its advantages. Firstly, having this “handicap” will spur you on to improve on other existing strengths and discover your hidden talents. It also exempts you from grueling tasks that involves only the tall, and protects you from dangerously low ceiling fans and doorways. Being short also helps to act as a screen to filter out those pretty chicks with inner beauty who are more than willing to accept you for who you are. In due time, the universe will always balance itself….
As for me, I am perfectly happy with myself, and I will not give up anything in order to grow an extra inch or two. Wait. Well, maybe twenty bucks would be my asking price. Any price higher than that, and I will have to decline. My height suits my personality perfectly, and it goes well with my adorable face too. Hell, if a war were to break out in Singapore and all the ns men were activated, guess who has the higher probability of getting killed?….
Stand tall (metaphorically), and you will stand out….
Stand tall (literally), and you will get shot in the head…..
December 13th, 2006 at 5:59 pm
There can be no chalk if there is no blackboard. If memory serves well, Singapore is a island completely devoid of blackboards and chalk - perhaps they are seen as archaic?
December 13th, 2006 at 6:03 pm
Arh, that’s when you are mistaken… There were health hazardous blackboards in use during my primary school days… Maybe that’s what made me short… Who knows…