I am a Cat!.. Hear me Me0w!!….

WOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!…..

Wow! I am still hyper active from the end of semester one examinations on Monday. It was like the day I ORDed all over again. There was just too much exhilaration and excitement within my swollen brain (originally pea sized, but swelled up due to too much adrenaline) and bloated heart that even the cancellation of my much awaited drinking session at clarke quay did not burst those giant bubbles of elation. Wished I could have joined my tutorial mates on their shopping rampage in KL. All thanks to the few good men who pulled out at the last minute on our planned trips to Australia and Thailand. Well, at least my tutorial mates are definitely going to take lots and lots of pictures for my viewing pleasure. And by “lots”, I mean tens of hundreds of thousands. They are practically the craziest photo-taking bunch of people I have ever met. They are so fanatical that they can pose without breaking a sweat from dusk till dawn and probably write a best-seller on how to pose for a thousand shots. And by “they”, I refer to the three bimbos. Guys not included. Thank goodness. Approach them with utmost caution, if you do not want your digital cameras and camera phones to be used as weapons of mass destruction. And to think that a few decades ago, people thought cameras were tools of evil and would suck their souls out of their bodies and trap them within the pictures. Those three would have been branded as witches and heretics and barbequed on sticks like kebab. Hey I was just kidding. My eyes are sensitive to flashes. Don’t shoot me…….

But, probably one of the best ways to capture those precious moments in life is with a digital camera. With the aid of modern technology, raw emotions of ecstasy and mirth can be instantly frozen in time and stored for future viewing and remembrance. So what do you do when you are having the greatest time of your life with that perfect girl? The answer is simple. Take plenty of pictures together! These photographs serve as valuable reminders of the wonderful period spent with the one you love. For example, the first time both of you puked together after a rollercoaster ride, or the first time both of you held hands and fell down as one while ice skating, or the first time both of you ate Ben n Jerrys’ ice cream from the same tub with the same spoon and fell sick together. If somehow, by a twist of fate, things do not work out for the best, do not fret. At least fifty years down the road, you would still have pictures of women to show your grandchildren just how suave you once were, and to remind their grandmother that she did not make her greatest mistake of her life by tying the knot with you. So, I advice all guys out there to keep a digital camera in handy. Like how I capture my precious moments with my 2 mega pixel camera walkman phone……

Beautiful memories last a life time…..

With photographs, that is……

And recently, Ee Wei, my wonderful inspiration for writing this entry, sent me some very nice photographs of sunsets, puffy clouds, thunderstorms and lightning taken with her Olympus mju mini. She has a really magnificent view of the horizon from her apartment window, even though it is only from a mere fifth floor. I reside on the thirteen floor but all I can see are hdb flats, hdb flats and more hdb flats. I particularly like the one with the pink clouds and the sunset in the background. At first impression, I seriously thought it was some professionally-taken landscape picture grabbed from the internet. Those pictures were so well-taken that I have already short listed her to be the official photographer next time we go out or something. Maybe in the near future, she can drop that kick-ass, anti-social attitude and invite me up to her place so that we can view the sunset together…..

A full moon with stars would be nice as well…..

So romantic…..

I can’t wait……. =p

Lately, I was on the hunting spree for songs which I had listened to in the past with the play mode on my cd player set to “repeat”. Yes, you heard me. A compact disk player. Remember the good old times when grooving around town with flashy headphones on your head and holding a polished cd player was hip? I know I did. Practically every cool kid wanted a cd player for their birthday or Christmas. Humans were no longer cracking their heads and figuring out ways to clean off the mold on cassette tapes. Music on the go was the in-thing, and people around you without such a luxury often go “Wow, this guy is listening to some really good songs!” And “Look at him move with the beat. He has a Sony’s newest ultra slim shock protection skip-free cd walkman. He must be having a great time!” Moreover, many such songs did make parts of my body move involuntarily. Those are the songs that you could subconsciously nod your head to or tap your feet along with. Having a first-class cd player was nothing without a nicely burnt cd (Not literally burnt, as in blackened and stuff….. You get the idea). And I recalled several songs that were truly engaging and amusing at the same time, one of which included my all time favourite, Wheatus’s Teenage Dirtbag. Another song highly recommended by a self-proclaimed “nerd” I know is American Hifi’s The Geeks Get the Girls…….

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Wheatus

Teenage Dirtbag

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Her name is Noel

I have a dream about her

She rings my bell.

I got gym class in half an hour and

oh how she rocks

in Keds and tube socks.

But she doesn’t know who I am.

And she doesn’t give a damn about me

.

Cuz I’m just a teenage dirtbag, baby

Yeah I’m just a teenage dirtbag, baby

Listen to Iron Maiden, baby…with me.

Ooh.

.

Her boyfriend’s a dick

He brings a gun to school

He’d simply kick my ass if he knew the truth.

He lives on my block

and he drives an IROK

And he doesn’t know who I am

And he doesn’t give a damn about me

.

cuz I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby

Yeah, I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby.

Listen to Iron Maiden, baby…with me.

Ooh

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Ooh yeah…dirtbag.

No she doesn’t know what she’s missin’.

.

man I feel like mold

It’s prom night and

I am lonely lo and behold

She’s walkin’ over to me

this must be fake

My lip starts to shake .

How does she know who I am?

Why does she give a damn about me?

I’ve got two tickets to Iron Maiden, baby.

Come with me Friday, don’t say maybe.

I’m just a teenage dirtbag, baby…like you.

ooh

.

ooh yeah…dirtbag.

No she doesn’t know what she’s missin’

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American Hi-Fi

The Geeks Get the Girls

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Another Friday night, to get the feeling right

At the bar when he sees her coming over

What you gonna do, if she walks up to you

Tongue tied better get yourself together

Pound another drink, to give him time to think

What’s your sign hey I think you know a friend of mine

All the stupid lines, that he had ever heard

Wouldn’t come to mind he couldn’t say a word

Tonight tonight, he’s gonna get it right

Even losers can get lucky sometimes

All the freaks go on a winning streak

In a perfect world, all the geeks get the girls

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Got her holding steady, forget her name already

Sweatin’ hard not a smooth operator

She’s got it going on, dancing to her favorite song

He’s got the line is it your place or mine

She turns and walks away, where did he go wrong?

But waiting by the car, she says what took you so long

.

The very next day, he guessed she ran away

The one and only in his bed so lonely

But she comes walking in, with coffee and a grin

Crazy as it seems, it wasn’t just a dream

And all around the world, people shout it out

The geeks get the girls

.

Last night he finally got it right

Even losers can get lucky sometimes

All the freaks go on a winning streak

Shout it all around the world cause the geeks get the girls

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Notice any similarities between these two great songs? Anyone with a decent brain can tell. Yes, in both songs, the geek gets the girl…..

But how true is that? Do the geeks really get the girls?…..

Bill Gates was a geek. Now he is the richest geek in the world and everyone, not just the girls, wants a piece of him…..

William Hung was a geek. He is still a geek. But a very rich and happy one indeed. His temporary shot to fame and stardom landed him many gorgeous models and an album too. (But, sorry William, I still think you sing and dance funny……)

Another classic example of a celebrity born out of American Idol is Clay Aiken. Great talent, beautiful voice, but a geek nonetheless.

Albert Einstein was the first geek who split an atom and ended World War Two.

So were other famous researchers and scientists like John Nash who won Nobel Prizes and brought about endless benefits to the world.

And I am sure most of them got the girls alright……

And recall the numerous teen movies about how the geek gets the guy or girl in the end after enduring through much pain and suffering? (Orhhhh….. Sweet…. “Happily ever after” endings).

This globe is no longer ruled by the prom kings and queens. It is the New Age of Geeks. There are no more exclusive hangout spots and tables for the popular kids. Football players and cheerleaders no longer ate lunch together. Geeks are no longer at the bottom of the popularity food chain, assuming their socializing skills rank average and above compared to normal people. Now a huge melting pot exists for the fashionably glamorous, the tech-savvy gurus, the sports stars and the rocket scientists. Everyone hangs out together, have fun and share fashion and study tips collectively. So you single male geeks out there, do not lose sleep over not having someone in your life to share your joys and sorrows with. There are plenty of girls out there who feel there is nothing sexier than a guy with glasses. Your time to reign has come……

At any rate, let us get back to the topic on portable music. The right kind of music, depending on the mood, can work wonders for you and your special someone. Music has proven to be an effective catalyst for the intensification of basic human emotions and brain activity. What is a blockbuster movie without a proper sounding music score accompanying it? Probably a crappy one I reckon. Even silent movies had music in the past. So, it is late at night, and you are lucky enough to be sitting next to the most fantastic girl you have ever met. Ran out of funny jokes and witty comments? What do you do?

Take out that cd player of yours…..

That is, if you are still living in the nineties…….

Otherwise, whip out that Ipod and share your wonderful collection of love ballads and slow rock with her. Better still, preload your player with plenty of her favorite songs. That will definitely score plenty of points with her as well as escalate the romantic climax in the air. Look into her beautiful eyes and let the song take its proper course. Point to take note: No Metallica or Beethoven or anything along those lines, unless she is into that kind of music. Don’t have a mp3 player? Go invest in one. It is for the sake of your future happiness. And the best thing is, it is so easy and idiot-proof, anyone can do it.

A geek can do it….

A jock can do it…..

Me?…

I am just a normal guy with glasses….

With a pretty cool walkman phone….….

Damn….

The examination fever finally got to me……

The inspiration sapped away from my once-ingenious mind……

I have nothing else to write but this……

A normal day in school…..

And my first exam in three long years…….

A mind-numbing experience……

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Wed 15 Nov 2006

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8.10am: Woke up feeling slightly nauseous, I dragged myself to the toilet and did some basic body maintenance…….

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8.25am: Alvin and Daryl crashed my place. We crapped a bit over some honey stars and famous amos. I love having junk food for breakfast……

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8.35am: We were taking a nice stroll down to the SRC when I was totally astounded by what I saw. It was a repeat of the Hello Kitty Craze! Actually it was more like the Great Singapore Sale. Car drivers searched desperately for empty parking lots, and when they found none, created their own parking spaces with imaginary lines and boundaries. I have never in my life, seen the SRC so overcrowded before. A free vip membership to California Fitness would not have attracted as many people as the SRC would. It was no longer an exclusive haven for the body beautiful and the perfectly tanned. The ban has been lifted!! Everyone was finally equal for a change. Hand in hand, jocks and geeks alike stormed the sports halls with stationeries, textbooks, notes and jackets. Invigilators were standing by, resembling riot control personnel armed with rolled-up seating plans and walkie talkies. I looked at the time and cursed to myself for reaching this accursed place so early. It would have taken a mere two minutes for me to crawl from my room to the SRC…….

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8.40am: Met up with Songyu and KianYip. We explored deeper into the unfamiliar labyrinth. Wherever there was a door, there was a mob. Looking at the crowd surrounding the entrances to the halls, I wonder how long they have been standing there for. They must have set up camp and slept here the night before, I figure. And the female toilet! Wow! This is the only room in the whole wide world which never ceases to astound me. There is always this super long bee line stretching from one end of the corridor to another. And the queue continues deep into the female toilet, right into the unknown……

What in the world was going on in there?? A slumber party? Could it be a beauty pageant? Maybe a free samples giveaway?….

The Men don’t get it.

Intriguing indeed………

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8.43am: Walked out of the male toilet and the same bunch of females standing in line have not moved an inch. We moved past them, amidst the wide-eyed stares of dismay and a slight hint of admiration. For once, the Singaporean male can hold his head up high against his female counterparts and walk with the wind behind him. All Singaporeans are equal once again!! What is next? The abolishment of The Women’s Charter? Sad to say, no….. Under the judicial laws which govern Singapore, Women are still more equal than Men…. Poor us……

Anyway, maybe it would help shorten the queue if the mirrors or any kind of reflective surfaces were removed from the female toilet during examination periods…..

Just a kind suggestion with genuine concern for the truly urgent…….

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9.00am: I had two and a half hours to complete my Information Technology paper.

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10.00am: I am done……

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10.05am: Started using correction fluid to blank out all the unsightly cancellations. Maybe I would get extra credit for being neat….

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10.15am: Staring at my fingers and shoes……

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10.25am: Looking around the exam hall. Everyone’s heads were still down, their pens vigorously tearing through the answer scripts………

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10.40am: The girl seated in front of me looked quite cute from her back view. Long, highlighted hair. Brown jacket. Nicely tanned and chiseled shoulders. Wild thoughts and fantasies ran amok in my mind…..

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11.00am: The ah tiong beside me requested for more paper. Huh??? What in the world is going on?! More paper?!! Come on, I only used six pages of the booklet, and there has got to be at least thirty pages in total!!! What are you, a paper shredder?? You must be out of your mind! You are not even human!…..

Tree killer….

*Grrrrrr.…….*

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11.10am: Suddenly, something obvious hit me like a gush of cold wind. And that was definitely not from the ice machine the people here call air-conditioning. Wait a minute….. I can leave early!! Why did I not think of this in the first place?! Damn it…….

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11.15am: Packed up and ready to go. As I stood up and prepared to depart from this miserable excuse for an exam hall, a voice boomed from the speakers. “You have fifteen more minutes. You can no longer leave the examination hall until the time is up.”…….

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11.25am: Gastric pains ripped through my stomach. Torture scenes from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre flashed through my brain as I counted down the seconds in agony…….

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11.30am: All chairs screeched together in perfect unison. It’s over! Human stampede!!!!

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Oh man….

This is so freaking boring…..

I shall stop blogging for now…..

Until something or someone inspires me to write anything that is mildly entertaining and interesting……

Once again, I am revisiting this Guess watches website and going to this particular page with the picture of the saddle up black cuff watch. This has become somewhat like a weekly routine, something that I will do to kill time. I never get bored no matter how many times I click on it. It’s cool, black, leather strap better shows off its sleek, silver face and projects a very simple, clean and smooth feel to it. I love it. It is my dream watch. The one I have been searching for my entire life. Then I recall the time I spent with this watch back in the exclusive dealer’s shop months ago…..

Imagine going to a candy shop when you were just a kid. There was just so much excitement in the air that I had to subtly remind myself to keep my act together. Suppressing my racing heartbeat, I put on my nonchalant mask and pretended to look around with interest at other watches, while at the same time, fully aware of the approximate location where I might find the one. Finally, after prowling the store a couple of times, I arrived at my destination. There it was, on display within the glass cabinet, clearly standing out among its fellow counterparts. We made contact. Its face glimmered and sparkled under the orange and white display lights, like it was winking playfully at me. It was more beautiful than what I have imagined and seen in the pictures! It was a truly emotional moment. My eyes watered as I beckoned the salesperson to take it out. It felt so brilliant and perfect in my hands. Then, as I buckled it on and adjusted its strap to the smallest length possible, it slid down past my wrist and hung limply around the upper part of my hand like a grossly over-sized bracelet……

An embarrassing anti-climax, so it seemed. Disappointment and dismay filled me as I left the store empty-handed. Strangely, such a situation was unforeseeable. My dream watch was too big for me. Or rather, my wrist was too small for my dream watch. It was not meant to be. However, this experience was trying to enlighten me on a very important lesson about life. What you want isn’t always what you get. It is the same case with the theory of “the girl of my dreams”. Several times I have met “the girl of my dreams” who was exactly like my type. She is cute, sweet, fun, naturally pretty, spontaneous, unpretentious and generous. She simply melts my heart with her loving nature, beautiful smile and bright eyes. She is the girl next door. She is what I always wanted and longed for. Yet, it just so happens that fate has made a hobby out of kicking me in the nuts with the familiar lines of “she already has a boyfriend”, “she likes someone else”, “she likes girls instead of guys”……

So, heed my words. Let it go. Move on. There is no use hoping and clinging on to someone who seems like she is right for you but is not. Some things are just not meant to be. However, do not short change yourself. Try not to settle for a girl whom you think is somewhat close to the “girl of your dreams”. There is no use lowering your expectations and forcing yourself to accept and compromise for someone who is incompatible. Chances are, both of you may wind up hurting each other and the people around you. And things may turn out for the worse, like how pathetic that Guess watch would look on me if I actually bought it. It would be an insult to the watch as well for turning it into a fashion disaster on my wrist. Therefore, do not give up. Continue to search for the elusive special lady who sets your heart ablaze and lifts you to cloud nine. Trust me, she is out there… Somewhere……

The irony is, I still visit the same old page week after week after week, hoping that my dream watch might miraculously shrink to three quarters of its original size and accept that sad excuse for a wrist. Oh well. It’s just me. I am a hopeless fool who enjoys self-inflicted emotional pain. Somebody pull this knife out of my chest please……

With exams just around the corner, the surrounding air seems somewhat stuffy. It is definitely not the haze, because the psi remains within safety standards. Trust me, I just checked. We are safe. Physically, at least. It is the aura of fear and nervousness in the air that diffuses into the minds of innocent victims and transforms them into mindless, emotionless drones with a sole purpose in life. Study…….

All i glance around me are such drones. Constantly scooting around the campus with no sense of direction, with thick files and textbooks hugged tightly around their chests, like busy little honey bees buzzing around and zealously safeguarding their precious pollen. The groupies gather in groups, form cults, and mark their tables and benches with personal belongings, which serve as warning signs to ward off any loners who wander into their territory. The loners, in turn, continue their migration until they find a comfortable spot to call their own. Day and night, their mouths are constantly chanting the words “study” and “mug”. Their every speech and movement, seemingly manipulated by a single, ominous, over-mind entity, draining every last bit of life from their overworked bodies….

Now comes the juicy part. For the guys, quickly take this opportunity to show off that ceiling-breaking IQ of yours, that is worthy of Nobel prizes and Mensa standards. Impress the gals with your vast knowledge of atoms and molecules, and they might just chemically bond with you. Also, be extra attentive to that special someone during this period. Shower her with encouragements and phrases like “Let’s score full marks together!” (This particular phrase reminds me of Hangwei. Seriously dude, you can go score full marks yourself…). Show how much you really care for her with a double espresso and a brownie while both of you tackle mind boggling questions and concepts together. Provide her with an endless arsenal of highlighters and colored pens too. As the phrase goes, suffering hardships together brings people closer. This theory can apply to couples or would-be couples as well. For those who are not naturally blessed with a beautiful mind, please do not bang your head against the wall in dismay. You are already half-baked. Just do what I always do. That is, to act cool and smart. Yes, you heard me. Fake it. Emit an aura of fearlessness and superiority over your fellow drones. Work with the law of nature and be the dominating male in the domain. That would probably attract swarms of ladies to you as well. Expect to see results in just a few days! I will give a 30-day money back guarantee to anyone who tries this and fails! Of course, do not expect to get anything back in return, not even my two cents worth….

Nevertheless, despite inhaling so much of their plaque-like fear and anxiety, I am really impressed at how calm and collected I am now. In my mind, everything else that is alive is slowly taking their time and moving in sync. The birds are singing along with the rustling leaves and grass in the gentle breeze. The water ripples softly as falling leaves contacts gently with the surface. I guess this is what some refer to as "peace of mind". I am one with the universe…. But the people who know me inside out, including my room mate (also a victim of mind control), prefer to see me as a "slacker" or a "modern day sloth". Like I care…..

But being different is not such a bad thing after all. Somehow, many people see me as someone who already has secret plans in mind on how best to tackle the examinations. Some are truly amazed at how I can enjoy life outside and still slack around in campus. Their impression of me can be summarized into a single word, “Smart”. But seriously, put on your glasses and take a closer look. I may look smart, but am I really smart?… There you go. Something for you to think about before you find my name on the dean’s list. You know… The other list…..…

(Kaileng, go sleep some more and you can come join my club….)

All thanks to Hangwei’s stroke of genius, I wrote this several days ago:

My Lover

Waking up and feeling so grey

Alone, with no one else around

No more laughter, only groans and

Raindrops pelting me down

On a dreaded Thursday evening

The hills seems much higher then before

The still air, stale and lifeless

Weakens my heart further

With past memories of her and me

On my shoulders i carry

Bit by bit, my mind become heavier

Step by step, my chest sinks deeper

The weights crashing down

As if in slow motion

Eating away my heart, piece by piece

Is my time up already?

Is this the last straw that finally splits me

Apart, Separated, Withdrawn from the world

Finally breaking me down

On my journey to nowhere

Knees deep in sorrow

My legs buckles, collapsing

The seconds drowning my existence

As I dived forever, deeper

Into the dark abyss, alone

Without warning, a hand reaches out

Holding me, engulfing my dead self

With warmth, kindness, tenderness

Hovering high above

At first, a mirage it seems

Wait, what is this Light I glimpse

Piercing through my soul

Lifting me out of this black hole

As I turned around

You landed softly

My savior, my angel

My Lover

The sadness fades away as

Night transforms into day

With her gentle arms around mine

As we skipped down the rolling hills

I smile with felicity, forever and ever……

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Initially, I meant for this song/poem to express my deepest, inner feelings. Then some bimbo-tic friends of mine commented that it was "too sad" and "depressing". So I added the last three verses to lighten the mood. Then they said it was too cheerful. Come on, make up your minds already!!! I swear, before NS, i was able to write poems a million times better than this!! Until now, I am still pondering if this should be a song or a poem……

Anyway, the thing is, after years and years of experience, I can, for a matter of fact, state that chicks go crazy when guys write poems to them. Poetry is so damn freaking ROMANTIC!

It puts a guy forward in a very old-fashioned, gentlemanly manner that shows off his creativity, sensitivity, and most importantly, sincerity, towards the skirt he is chasing. The poem does not have to rhyme. It does not require the use of any unrecognizable words or flipping of the encyclopedia, dictionary or thesaurus. And most importantly, it does not, and MUST NOT, start off with "roses are red, violets are blue" and "A is for…., B is for…". And the paper and ink really matters as well. No matter how fantastic your poem is, if you wrote it on a dog eared foolscap paper with a choked-up blue ball point pen, good luck to you. So, as long as your true intentions are well written and presented, you should be laughing on your way to a dinner and a movie. But, I stress that poetry writing will only work if:

a) The girl digs you.

b) Both of you are already going out.

c) You are a hybrid between Brad Pit and Tom Cruise.

d) You are a rich jock and you drive a flashy car.

e) She is a girl.

If you fulfill at least two of the mentioned criteria, Congratulations! See you at the second or third base!!! If, somehow, the laws of nature made you creatively-handicapped or romantically-impaired, you can always copy a poem from the internet and pass it off as your own work of art. In fact, why don’t you use my poem….

RIGHT….. 

You know I am kidding right?…..

Seriously…

I study business law and i will sue you if you try anything funny…..

Well, its a matter of fact that, first-time bloggers are likely to start their first entry with titles like "My First Entry!" or "My First Blog!", or something along that line. How boring. Screw that…. I am going to be special for a change. Simply because this is not my first entry. It started when i was first writing bits and pieces of my life and memories, back in the old days when ankle socks were banned and center partings were cool. But happy and precious thoughts gradually became bitter complaints of how much my life sucked. A hit list of people who got on my nerves soon surfaced for everyone to see. Somehow, my laptop became a digital death note, with countless names of morons and imbeciles i wished did not exist in this cursed world. Soon, people steered clear of me, afraid of what i might do to them in their sleep. Aware of the sharp decline in my popularity, i decided to stop, in case my death note did come true and they all die of heart attacks…..

My second attempt was some sort of a self-gratification. I wanted people (and by "people", i mean the ladies) to notice my puny existence. To cut the long story short, that did not work too well either. I made certain unworldly mistakes in the course of my writing which ignited a wave of rage and violence. The hate mails and swearing comments that soon followed were too much to bear. A word of advice… Do not openly criticize F4 and their mindless horde of crazy girl fans….

Surprise surprise, my third disastrous attempt at blogging bored the hell out of anyone who read it, including myself. I even dozed off once while uploading an entry. Topics included field camps, route marches, rifle cleaning, book-ins, book-outs, insatiable cravings for bodily pleasures, FHM, and the opposite sex…. What else was i supposed to write about during my two and a half years of suffering in NS??….

Despite three failures, I am going all out for a fourth try now. Hopefully, this blog will last much longer than the rest. Only time will tell….